It’s been awhile but this really got me interested.
The stars of My lucky star & Corner of love is in this movie.
Tam is sick and i feel so useless. I can’t help with anything, I can’t do anything to make the pain go away. I miss him.
Even if he’s a room away, I miss him. I can’t see him. He’s sleeping; resting all the pain away.
I wish i can be there to hold his hand while he sleeps, watch him sleep, and lay next to him…but my parents would say something. & I don’t want them to argue/yell at me while tam is sick and have a headache.
So…i have to be here. In my room. Alone. Sad, because i can’t do anything.
Everything started on Thanksgiving day. All the things in my past I wanted to bury so deep down that nobody or I will ever have to remember again. Maybe it’s just that I been hiding behind my fake smile for so long that I finally burst into tears. Who knows. Sometimes, I wish I can just be a little bit stronger, a little bit faster, and a little bit smarter to overcome this obstacle of mine. It might be permanent for the rest of my life but I would like to try. Try and defeat this inner/outer flaw everybody sees in me and get rid of all the hurt I have stored up in my heart. *
sigh, I can only wish.
Day 4 – Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5 – Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 4: In all honesty, I can only think of one person right for this post. My dad. He was never there for me. He left my mom for another person and had two other kids of his own. Which I’m not ungrateful for…i love my half brothers & they actually like me back. It’s just that..my father wasn’t ever there for me. The other day on tumblr i saw this post from Hoai, Kristy, and Teresa about ‘at age 8 your dad gave you ice cream…” and reading it made me cry because i never had a dad. I do, but he was just never there. && every time i come and see him he act like nothing ever happened and it just hurts how every time he can think that i don’t have feelings and he just act like he saw me yesterday. When honestly i haven’t seen him in months or even years. He is a complete stranger to me. The only family member i wish i gotten to know more but he really don’t care about me. I know. But since last year…i just started not caring or try to not care. & now i’m just whatever, i guess you can say…I forgive him for not being a part of my life. I didn’t know that a dad would affect a little girl/boy’s life so deeply, it hurts. Learning from that experience, I’m never going to leave my future kids, EVER.
Day 5: Honestly, I just hope I can make it through medical school and surpass all this 9-11 years of schooling so i can become a doctor. I think that is my biggest obstacle. There is so much that i need to do. I’m already stressing from taking my basics and honestly I’m not sure if i can make it. I just need more hope and determination. Maybe a little prayer each day may do, but i’m not sure. I can just keep my head up and keep walking without turning back - i’ll be fine.
I have soooo many cute quotes, I’m too lazy to put them up today. lol but there is this one quote i live by before i met tam. & it met up my expectations til’ now. I’m happy that we’re together.
“i want someone who understands me & who can deal with my bipolar moodswings. Who will love me for who i am && understands that i have many flaws. someone who can handle me at my worst & aren’t just there for my best. someone who can give me their heart sincerely & not abuse my trust. i need someone who will tell me what i need to hear, not what i want to hear, who won’t push me aside, replace me, && just forget about me so easily. i want someone that will always be there for me & love me as i am.”
You cannot say you’ve lost a friend. If a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed.
I didn’t want to admit it. It was easier to lie. Hide the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry.
I don’t know what I want in life. I don’t know what I want right now. All I know is that I’m hurting so much inside that it’s eating me, and one day, there won’t be any more of me left. Everything that ever cause a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don’t know what to do. I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it’s hurting ten times more.
I think its better to let go and see if they come back than to hold on and see if they let go.
You don’t realize your mistakes with someone until they are gone. Once they’re gone, you realize your mistakes but it is too late to fix it.